Don’t Breathe

For the first time in a while, I didn’t see a huge blockbuster!  I know, I was a bit surprised myself.  I take my niece to the movies when she lets me.  She has this new boyfriend who takes up most of her time now, but if I bug her enough, we go to the theater together.  So last night, we drove around because I got us super lost (oh wow, did I get us lost), and we went and saw Don’t Breathe.  If you haven’t heard about Don’t Breathe, a group of early 20-somethings break into the house of a blind man and try to rob him.  All hell breaks loose.

I am not shy about my love for horror movies.  I will watch just about anything horror related no matter how bad.  I have a strong affinity for April Fools Day, and Puppet Master is one of my favorite series ever.  It is pure gold.  But for me (I’m going old man in 3..2..1..) back in my day… I just prefer my horror to be slasher flicks.  Horror today just seems like suspense.  But that’s just personal choice I guess.  Growing up in the days of Nightmare, Friday the 13th, and Saw, I got used to a certain type of movie.  If you grew up these days, you would probably find those movies dumb as hell.  Especially the films later in those series.

Anyway, back to Don’t Breathe.  Here was my biggest problem with it.  (SEMI SPOILER AHEAD) Five minutes into the movie, I said, oh okay so this is the person who’s going to live.  And of course they did.  So there was no doubt the entire movie who was going to get away.  That wasn’t so great.  Ah, but the movie tries to throw you off!  I won’t give away too much for those who still intend to see it.  It did just come out.  But don’t be fooled.  Go with your gut and know, yeah, this is the one who makes it. (END OF SEMI SPOILER).

Most of the entire movie takes place inside the blind guys house.  I didn’t bother to learn any of the characters names.  I’m not looking them up.  They know he has a large sum of cash somewhere on the premises and they want to get their hands on it.  It’s their ticket out of town (isn’t it always).  Luckily, one of the burglars has a father who owns the security company who secures the house.  So they have a set of keys to the house.  Okay.  Does this happen somewhere?  Are there homeowners who gives a copy of their keys to their security company?  I’ve never heard of this.  Nor would I EVER do this.  Why?  FOR THIS VERY REASON.

Here’s the other thing.  They cover their mouths so he can’t hear them breathing, but they make a SHIT TON of noise throughout the house.  Creaky floors, breaking windows, alarm blaring before they can turn it off.  Dog barking.  It finally took a gunshot to a locked cellar door to wake the damn guy.  I sure wish I slept that heavily.  Everything wakes me up.  In a neighborhood that was supposedly completely abandoned, I don’t buy that he wouldn’t hear any of that.

The plot twist towards the end, however, was great.  The premise of the movie, along with this twist, were enough to keep me interested throughout.  And there were enough surprises to make me jump in my seat a handful of times.  I had read that people were upset with the ending of the movie.  I’m not really sure which part.  It’s not terrible.  It’s not amazing.  Certainly not worth getting ones undies in a bunch over.  Anyone who saw it and hated the ending is more than welcome to chime in.  The car?  The very end?  I’m confused why the end was so terrible.

I really wanted to love it.  LOVE IT.  I really want to love every horror movie.  I liked it.  I wish I hadn’t paid full price for it.  I also wish I hadn’t almost killed us both on the way there.  But that’s a different story.  All about my terrible driving.

Curse of Chucky (2013)

“Hi!  I’m Chucky!  Wanna Play?”  Those words have haunted me since I was 10.  The original Child’s Play came out three weeks before I turned 10.  Hot damn that was a long time ago.  Child’s Play is still my favorite horror movie.  My favorite horror franchise however, is Nightmare on Elm Street.  Apparently I like my movie killers to have a little personality to them.

I still remember the first time I saw Child’s Play.  I wasn’t 10.  I don’t think.  It was on VHS, so 12 maybe?  That part is irrelevant.  So is this story, really.  But, I was at my friend Justin’s house with our buddy Ryan.  They are still two of my closest friends today.  They will be here for my March Madness poker game!  Phil will not be.  He thinks it will be more fun to go Reno to watch college basketball.  Pppttthhh.  That sounds…. yeah way better.  So back to being a child… I watched the movie through the frills of a couch pillow.  I was terrified.  Justin’s dad scared the sh*t out of the cat, and it jumped on Ryan’s head.  He bled.  Justin’s mom didn’t find it as funny as the rest of us did.  Anyway…

I finally got around to seeing Curse of Chucky.  I had debated whether or not I was even going to see it based on how much I disliked the previous two entries in the series.  Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky were awful.  There are two things I hate in my horror movies.  Horror comedy, or horomedy as I like to call it (copyright pending), and a PG-13 rating.  They were both R rated films, but they went away from what worked originally and that didn’t work for me.  Now, in defense of the writer and creator of the series, it was an intentional deviation and something he wanted to do.  More power to him.  Who am I to tell someone how to continue their creation?  But I don’t have to like it.  When I found out that he went back to the well and it was straight horror, I decided I was in.  And I was sooo sad I didn’t check it out sooner.

Chucky is sent to a new family who believes he is sent on accident.  Here is my problem.  His face is put back together, and there is no reason for this family to be in the movie at the beginning.  I have a problem with this.  Not in the “what the hell is the writer thinking” kind of way, but in the “ugh I can’t stand not knowing how this all wraps back to the original series!!”  It is so much like the original, I can’t believe it.  I was so happy, and will be going out to buy it ASAP.

I used to write DVD reviews for a website called http://www.dvdfile.com.  Unfortunately, that site is no longer up and running.  If you go to the site, it directs to http://www.comingsoon.net.  I am torn between writing a full review like I would do there, and leave it short and leave out all of the movie details since this is a simple blog post.  I will just say that Curse of Chucky may be the sixth in the series, and was direct-to video, but it doesn’t show like either of those normally would.  If you’re a fan of horror, this is an excellent film to see.

Speaking of direct-to-video, in my work for dvdfile.com, I reviewed a lot of really crappy movies.  A lot.  One of the better films I saw was a direct-to-video movie called Death Race 3: Inferno.  I loved it.  My buddy Fez (I think he looks like Wilmer Valderamma) told me I had to review it.  I hadn’t seen either of the other two Death Race movies, or the original 70’s movie they were based on.  So I went back and watched them all, because obviously I a total professional.  I thought my review was going to say…. I liked it better when I saw it the first time when it was called The Condemned, I thought it was the best direct-to-video movie I had ever seen.  I just finished watching Curse of Chucky, and so I’m not ready to say it is the best direct-to-video movie ever, but it’s up there.  Let me think about it for a few days.  Death Race 3 kinda rules though.

Here’s what I don’t get though.  The DVD had both the rated and unrated versions.  Who watches the rated version?  Anyone?  Is anyone renting or buying a movie with both versions and ever watching the rated version?  Who cares about that?

It was announced there will be a seventh movie in the series.  I am now super excited.  Even if it is not in the theaters, I will be first to get my copy of the DVD.  Not Blu-Ray.  I have a strict policy to keep buying films in the same format of the previous films.  Since I have Child’s Play on DVD, all my future purchases will be on DVD.  Because I’m sure everyone cares.

I will give you one tip. Watch through the credits… You’re welcome.