Here comes the money!

I rarely write about professional wrestling.  For a couple of different reasons.  First of all, it matters to such a small part of the population that I don’t know who would want to read about it.  And second, I have become so disappointed with what has happened in storylines in the past six months in WWE that I only watch about 1/3 of the Monday Night Raws anymore.  Mostly I just read the recaps the next day, and if something exciting happens, I will watch.  Otherwise, it’s a straight delete.

But this week.  This week was one of the most amazing weeks I have seen in years.  It was the return of the prodigal son.  The greatest non-wrestler wrestler ever.  Shane McMahon came home.  If you don’t believe it was a big deal, just listen to the crowd reaction.  THAT is the sound of a roof blowing off a building.  That was the reaction of everyone watching.  The face that Stephanie makes is the same face that everyone made when they heard the entrance music.  It was the biggest return in probably… 10 years?  In today’s wrestling world, there is no rumor that doesn’t slip through.  Every surprise, every big signing is known before they show up on screen.  Shane has been gone for 7-8 years.  And no where I have read, did anyone see this coming.

For me, he has the second greatest finishing maneuver in history, after Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin has the Stunner, and Shane -O-Mac has the Coast to Coast.  It’s basically just as simple as it sounds.  He jumps from one turnbuckle to the other.  It always ends with a garbage can to the face!

Even though he was the bosses son, he always felt like one of us.  A regular guy among giants.  Willing to take beatings for our entertainment.  And wow, did he take some beatings.  There is a rumor that WWE is releasing a Shane McMahon DVD later this year, and you can bet your ass that I will be getting that.  As a wrestler, he wouldn’t make my top five all-time.  As an on screen performer, I find it hard to think of five people I love seeing more.

And if you still don’t understand why the people love Shane McMahon so much, well maybe you need a Leap of Faith:


WWE Royal Rumble

Yes, I am a fan of professional wrestling.  A huge fan.  As most guys my age, I was big into it when I was young.  Hulk Hogan, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and of course, The Ultimate Warrior.  Reminiscing about the guys from the 1980’s always brings a smile to my face.  As I got a little older, I stopped watching.  Of course, just as the Monday Night Wars were getting really big.  Hogan became a bad guy, WCW rose to prominence, and professional wrestling enjoyed a new life with their “Attitude Era.”

I will never forget when I started watching again.  I was in college, and decided to check it out again.  I came across WCW Monday Nitro and a wrestler named Goldberg.  He was in the middle of an undefeated streak, and had an amazing look and entrance.  I still want to get his tattoo, but my arms aren’t nearly big enough.  I’m afraid if I got it actual size, it would stretch from the middle of my chest to the middle of my back.  From there, I found WWE/F and the man who would get me heavy back into wrestling, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.  In fact, the license plate on my car is in honor of Austin.  I got it when I was 20, and I still have it today.  True Story.  I’ve watched wrestling every Monday night since.  Well, to be honest, I DVR it and fast forward through the crap.  I mean, I don’t have 3 hours to sit through it anymore.

Anyway, this past Sunday, WWE put on their annual Royal Rumble.  It’s the first PPV on the road to WrestleMania.  The Super Bowl of wrestling, and happens at the beginning of April.  I love the Rumble.  30 guys all fighting for a spot in the main event of WrestleMania and a shot at the title.  A bunch of old guys come back, they get eliminated quickly, but it’s always fun to see.  There were good and bad parts to this years event.

First of all, Kevin Nash came back.  People hate Kevin Nash.  I do not.   I love “Big Sexy.”  He made no impact, but it was awesome to see.  Even came out to the old NWO entrance music.  Beautiful.  The other part I loved?  NO DANIEL BRYAN!  I think I’m the only person on earth who doesn’t get the appeal of Daniel Bryan.  I’ve watched him wrestle, I’ve seen his promos…I just don’t get it.  Why do people love him so much?  The crowd (along with everyone on Twitter) booed the shit out of the event once it was apparent Bryan was not going to enter.  I couldn’t have been happier.  He’s a mid-card wrestler, who belongs right where he is.  When (not if.  Clearly when) he wins the championship belt, I will follow along online until he’s defeated.  He’s on TV too much as it is.  And crazy insufferable.

The part that sucked was who won.  Batista, after a four year hiatus won the event.  He’s been back for a week.  CM Punk should have won.  And now, because he didn’t, Punk has taken his ball and gone home.  The self proclaimed (and correct by the way) Best in the World, quit WWE last night.  Is it all part of the plan?  I don’t think so.  He doesn’t need the money, he doesn’t need the fame.  Doesn’t need to keep wrestling.  Just like that, there’s no more CM Punk.  Thanks a lot WWE.  No matter who you root for, Punk or Bryan or both, you’ve pretty much screwed over every single one of your fans.  I guess I’ll keep watching.  But it seems every week there is less and less reason to.  Will they miss me?  Of course not.  I’m no longer in the demographic they care about.  But as WrestleMania gets closer and closer, I am less and less excited.  And don’t even get me started on what a waste of time the Undertaker and his streak is.  Seriously, who gives a shit anymore?