Don’t Breathe

For the first time in a while, I didn’t see a huge blockbuster!  I know, I was a bit surprised myself.  I take my niece to the movies when she lets me.  She has this new boyfriend who takes up most of her time now, but if I bug her enough, we go to the theater together.  So last night, we drove around because I got us super lost (oh wow, did I get us lost), and we went and saw Don’t Breathe.  If you haven’t heard about Don’t Breathe, a group of early 20-somethings break into the house of a blind man and try to rob him.  All hell breaks loose.

I am not shy about my love for horror movies.  I will watch just about anything horror related no matter how bad.  I have a strong affinity for April Fools Day, and Puppet Master is one of my favorite series ever.  It is pure gold.  But for me (I’m going old man in 3..2..1..) back in my day… I just prefer my horror to be slasher flicks.  Horror today just seems like suspense.  But that’s just personal choice I guess.  Growing up in the days of Nightmare, Friday the 13th, and Saw, I got used to a certain type of movie.  If you grew up these days, you would probably find those movies dumb as hell.  Especially the films later in those series.

Anyway, back to Don’t Breathe.  Here was my biggest problem with it.  (SEMI SPOILER AHEAD) Five minutes into the movie, I said, oh okay so this is the person who’s going to live.  And of course they did.  So there was no doubt the entire movie who was going to get away.  That wasn’t so great.  Ah, but the movie tries to throw you off!  I won’t give away too much for those who still intend to see it.  It did just come out.  But don’t be fooled.  Go with your gut and know, yeah, this is the one who makes it. (END OF SEMI SPOILER).

Most of the entire movie takes place inside the blind guys house.  I didn’t bother to learn any of the characters names.  I’m not looking them up.  They know he has a large sum of cash somewhere on the premises and they want to get their hands on it.  It’s their ticket out of town (isn’t it always).  Luckily, one of the burglars has a father who owns the security company who secures the house.  So they have a set of keys to the house.  Okay.  Does this happen somewhere?  Are there homeowners who gives a copy of their keys to their security company?  I’ve never heard of this.  Nor would I EVER do this.  Why?  FOR THIS VERY REASON.

Here’s the other thing.  They cover their mouths so he can’t hear them breathing, but they make a SHIT TON of noise throughout the house.  Creaky floors, breaking windows, alarm blaring before they can turn it off.  Dog barking.  It finally took a gunshot to a locked cellar door to wake the damn guy.  I sure wish I slept that heavily.  Everything wakes me up.  In a neighborhood that was supposedly completely abandoned, I don’t buy that he wouldn’t hear any of that.

The plot twist towards the end, however, was great.  The premise of the movie, along with this twist, were enough to keep me interested throughout.  And there were enough surprises to make me jump in my seat a handful of times.  I had read that people were upset with the ending of the movie.  I’m not really sure which part.  It’s not terrible.  It’s not amazing.  Certainly not worth getting ones undies in a bunch over.  Anyone who saw it and hated the ending is more than welcome to chime in.  The car?  The very end?  I’m confused why the end was so terrible.

I really wanted to love it.  LOVE IT.  I really want to love every horror movie.  I liked it.  I wish I hadn’t paid full price for it.  I also wish I hadn’t almost killed us both on the way there.  But that’s a different story.  All about my terrible driving.

Batman

What do you write about during the summer when you don’t really do a whole lot?  The past 6 weeks for example, have been full of kid swim lessons, a wedding of people you’ve never heard of, a bachelor party for which I will not write about… and… that’s about it.  The previous six weeks of summer… not a whole lot happened there either.

I saw Captain America: Civil War.  It was good.  What do you want me to say?  It was pretty much what the previews showed.  If you saw the previews, you saw 90% of the important parts of the movie.  The end was a little bit different than I expected, but I had some problems with the ending.  Like what happens if Iron Man doesn’t go after Captain America and The Winter Soldier?  The whole premise of the movie hinges on that one event happening.  If it doesn’t?  Then they just sit around staring at each other.  Super fun movie.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you didn’t see the movie.  If you saw the movie, you get it.

So over the past few days, I saw two different Batman movies.  I finally saw Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice.  I also so Batman: The Killing Joke.  I’m not sure which was more surprising.  That I didn’t hate BVS as much as I thought I would, or that I didn’t like TKJ as much as I thought I would.

I know I am way behind the curve here on Batman V. Superman.  But it just looked terrible.  So I waited till it was on DVD to watch it.  I couldn’t justify spending ticket prices on this movie.  It wasn’t as bad as I assumed it would be.  It’s still not good.  The film is two and a half damn hours.  The first hour or so is just them standing around meeting each other.  LET’S GO!!!  I get it, gotta set up the trinity and all that.  But geezus, row across lake point!!  Move it along!  The worst part of the movie was the casting of Jesse Eisenberg.  I am not a huge fan to start with, but I would like to see who didn’t get the role.  A dog?  Phil?  There had to be someone better.  And maybe he will be better in Justice League.  Who knows.  But he was dreadful.

The thing I find most interesting about BVS happened in the aftermath of the film.  It was such a critical disaster that Warner Bros. decided to move people around on Justice League.  Ben Affleck is now an executive producer.  The obvious choice to make is the one that they refuse to actually make.  The reason BVS was so terrible, and the reason Justice League is going to suck beyond belief, is Zack Snyder.  The director needs to go.  But WB probably has too much money invested in him to replace him at this point.  Chicken sh*ts.  Snyder ruined this movie.  If WB and DC wonder why they are so far behind Marvel in their cinematic universe, they need to look no further than Snyder.

I was so excited to see The Killing Joke.  And it was such a letdown.  The second half of the movie is great.  It is very true to the graphic novel on which it is based.  I didn’t know what to expect, really.  I had heard rumors about a scene between Batman and Batgirl.  The internet went ape sh*t.  Apparently people have a huge problem with the two of them… being intimate.  I get that there is a huge age difference, and she was involved with Robin at one point in history.  But whatever, it didn’t bother me that much.  It was the aftermath that bugged me.  They turned her into this whiny, damsel in distress character that just wasn’t Batgirl for me.  To be fair, I haven’t read a lot of Batgirl books, so I am not as familiar with her history as others, and maybe this is true to her.  It just didn’t work for me.  Once they switched to the Batman/Joker dynamic, the movie got a lot better.  If you’re a fan of this particular book, it is worth checking out.  Just don’t have high expectations.

Rouge One

So not a lot has happened here in the last month.  Same same everyday.  There hasn’t been much to write about for me.  I was going to write about the new Powerpuff Girls series.  Which I am thrilled about by the way.  I love The Powerpuff Girls.  Loved them when they were on in the late 90s, love ’em now.  But what is there to say?  I am pissed that they didn’t use the original voice actresses.  And so far, they seem more grown up than I remember.  But that’s about it.  Other than that, I really dig it.  I made my daughters watch it.  They are 3 and 5 so maybe it’s not quite appropriate for them, but they love it to.  They have given up on their other favorite shows, and only want to watch The Powerpuff Girls.  So, points for dad.

Today was the release of the Rogue One trailer, though.  It was pretty good.  But it didn’t excite me the way Episode VII did.  Or the way I am excited for Episode VIII.  Here is the conversation Phil and I had about it earlier today:

Phil: So…thoughts on the Rogue One trailer?

Eric: I mean. Its still a star wars movie I GUESS. It might be nice to see a story that’s not involved directly with the main characters and it looks good. But after a couple viewings, its fine. You?

Phil: Yeah. It looked ok. Kinda like the concept for the story, and it’s a big universe; there are plenty more stories to tell besides ones involving people names Skywalker or Solo.  The dialogue was kinda lame tho. “This is a rebellion, right? I rebel.” Eye roll

Eric: Hahahaha well they gotta let u know its star wars!!

Phil: Star Wars does = cheesy dialogue.  We’ll see. I like the idea of a standalone sw film, so hopefully they get it right

Eric: I think it’ll grow on me.  I watched star wars rebels for a season and a half (i know that’s not a movie) and that got old so we will see.

Phil: Disney is gonna smother us in Star Wars stuff till we die. Get ready for it. The Saturation Awakens.

Eric: Seriously.  That’s what I’m afraid of more than anything.  The thought that i had was: am i gonna buy this?  Am i gonna need a whole separate cabinet just for star wars DVDs that are coming out?!

Phil: You already know the answer: yes and yes

Eric: Maybe not!!  U don’t know!!  Man people r pissed its a woman lead.

Phil: Yeah, I don’t get the rage

Eric: I don’t either. I thought Daisy Ridley was awesome.

Phil: Misplaced anger at SJWs. Backlash from the Hunger Games, Divergent movies. Who knows.

End of conversation.  Phil had to go back to work, or a soccer game, or whatever he does in the middle of the day.  I was grocery shopping for those who are curious.  The rage at another female lead confuses me.  Who cares if it’s a woman or a male main character?  I guess it’s just guys who can’t handle strong female characters?  I’ve never gone into a movie and thought “you know what this movie needs?  More dudes.”  But whatever.  There are plenty of things in the next 9 months to nit pick about with this new movie.  THAT won’t be anything I care about.  Good to see Mon Mothma back in the universe though!!

If I’ve said it once…

…I’ve said it 1,000 times. Ryan Reynolds can do no wrong. He is great in everything. I am the person who bought the Green Lantern movie.  And there’s a stack of VHS tapes that have the entire series of Two Guys and a Girl on them.  Who doesn’t love that show?  Well apparently everyone except me.  They STILL haven’t put it on DVD.  But it has Ryan Reynolds AND Nathan Fillion!!  I mean seriously.  The good news is, Reynolds would do a reunion show.  Even though it’ll never happen.

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Me all by myself

This past weekend I spent an evening watching the latest Ryan Reynolds masterpiece, Deadpool. In fact, I was so excited to see it, I had to get there early to get in line.  I got there so early in fact, I was first in line!  By about 15 minutes.  Totally worth it!  I thought maybe they were letting people in so I walked into the theater. Nope still full of people from the previous showing.

Ryan plays Wade Wilson. A former military man who now works as a low level enforcer who enjoys booze, hookers, and foul language. After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, he undergoes a procedure to attempt to remedy his fate. After the serum takes effect and his mutation is complete, he takes on the mantra of Deadpool and swears to find the man who scarred his body to seek his revenge.  During this time, Francis, played by Ed Skrein, finds out who is the “Merc with a Mouth” and kidnaps his fiancee, Vanessa.

Ah, Vanessa.  I didn’t know that Morena Baccarin was in this movie.  It was another great surprise on top of a hundred great surprises in this film.  I will admit, that I do not know her entire filmography.  But she was brilliant.  It was nice to see her play a character so different than what I am use to.  My familiarity with Morena is strictly from Firefly.  Which also has Nathan Fillion.  Yes, everything relates to Firefly.  It’s that good.  Here, she is the hooker Wilson falls in love with.  In Firefly she is…a companion.  Okay so that sounds like a hooker but it’s totally different.  She is so sophisticated and appalled at the thought of being called anything less.  So yes, it’s different.

My favorite superhero movie ever is Batman Begins.  I may have to rethink that.  This movie is so damn good.  Okay, I thought about it.  It’s not better than Batman Begins.  But it’s better than any movie that Marvel or DC has put out in the past couple years.  I do enjoy seeing justice done to my villains, and seeing them put behind bars.  But sometimes I just want to see their heads explode.  Sometimes I want my heroes to have chiseled jaw lines and billions of dollars, then there are times like this where I want them hanging out in dive bars and have a face that looks like my marshmallows when I make s’mores.  And I want to see a movie that cannot possibly be played on regular cable because half the language will be changed.  I’m a very simple man.  It’s foul, it’s violent and I cannot possibly oversell how good this is.

Reynolds has been trying to get this movie made for years. It is much different than the movies Marvel has put out so far in their Universe.  And both the time put into the film, and the hard R it is rated were well worth it.  For me, the most important thing was that it was R rated.  The movie didn’t try to conform to the superhero playbook and go PG-13, which it easily could have.  And it would have been ruined.  That trust has been greatly rewarded, as it is the highest grossing R rated movie ever.  EVER.  Deadpool had a budget of $60 million.  Last I checked, it was up to $260 million worldwide.  That’s a nice return on their investment.  Will Marvel or DC look at this and go the way of the R rated superhero movie again?  Maybe.  But probably not.  They know what works, and what is going to get them to the billions and it’s PG-13.  But it’s great to know that R rated movies, when done well can bring in big box office numbers.  It would be nice to see movies go back to R ratings.  I have been screaming about PG-13 horror movies for years and how terrible they are.  Now, I understand that horror and superhero movies are completely different and will never bring in the same money, but make a damn good movie and people will see it!  It’s not that freaking hard!!  Thank you Ryan, and thank you Deadpool.  THIS is the movie we all deserved!!  Now don’t f**k up Deadpool 2.

Movies

Well, there have been a few movies I saw since we last spoke.  I’d like to get caught up on my thoughts here.  I can’t even remember what I’ve spent my time watching.  Some good, some not so good.  Let’s get the theater movies out of the way.

First of all, I spent two hours standing in line to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I saw it the second night it was out.  So it was a while ago.  It was cold that night.  People kept coming up, asking what we were standing in line for, and then trying to get past the line, and then were told by theater management to get to the back of the line.  What the hell?  Why are you so damn special?  Like you’re gonna get in front?  Jerk off.  Anyway.  Phil and I discussed, and had very similar thoughts on the movie.  If for some reason you haven’t seen the movie yet… SPOILERS!!  SKIP AHEAD!!  We agreed the film was very solid.  But the problems I had with it were that it was exactly like A New Hope.  Was it a retelling of Episode IV?  Was it lazy writing?  I don’t know, but it was blatantly obvious.  I had a bigger problem with the fact that Rey was so good with a light saber and defeated Kylo Ren in their battle even though he was a trained Jedi.  There was one more.  What was it?  Damn it, Phil was right.  We should have done this right away so we could have remembered.  Well, whatever it was, it didn’t take away from my overall enjoyment of the movie.  It was really good.  It’s certainly not better than IV or V.  I need to let it sink it before I rank it.

I recently went and saw Sisters, starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.  Anyone who knows me, knows of my love of Tina Fey.  Also Amy, but not like Tina.  So I was a little biased going into this one.  Parks and Rec and 30 Rock are two of my favorite shows of the last 10 years.  30 Rock makes my list of favorite shows ever.  So you won’t find me saying a bad word about this.  But I could have written this review before I saw the movie.  They KILLED it.  Amy and Tina play sisters who go home to Orlando because their parents are selling their childhood home and have one last party.  I came home and immediately pre-ordered it on Blu-Ray.  It’s pretty typical adult party movie.  It’s also very typical writing that you would find in a movie with Fey and Poehler.  It turns into a touching love story between them as family, which was always going to happen.  Every movie has to have a point!  And it was perfect.  Including Star Wars, Sisters might be my favorite movie of the year.  Well, in the last 12 months.  Whatever you want to call it.

I finally saw Draft Day.  I swore I would never watch it.  I am a huge football fan, and this looked like a horrible pile of garbage.  Even though it had Kevin Costner.  Yeah, I consider that a positive thing.  It…wasn’t…as….horrible as I expected.  Still not good.  It might be the most obvious movie I’ve ever seen.  There’s no suspense at all.  It’s clear as day what is going to happen 10 minutes into the movie.  There was a scene between Costner’s character (the movie was so dull I don’t even have any idea what his character’s name was) and his mother that I thought to myself he should have said “Hey mom, wanna have a catch?”  And that would have been the best part of the movie by far.  The less said about this movie the better.  Moving on.

I saw the second half of Horrible Bosses 2.  Here’s my question about this movie.  If the cast had been the same but the title was different, would anyone had noticed?  Maybe there was something in the first half that I missed?  I didn’t get it.  And I still don’t understand what was so bad about Charlie Day having sex with Jennifer Aniston in the first one.  What made her such a horrible boss?

Last night I watched Trainwreck.  Because Amy Schumer rules the world.  And she’s amazing.  Trainwreck is not.  I was so disappointed about what I saw.  Amy hates relationships, but falls in love with a doctor she is interviewing for an article she is writing.  I’m almost positive I looked at the clock more than I laughed.  The title was apt.

I swear there is one more I saw.  It must not have been very good.  Damn, what the hell was it?  Oh well.  Here’s to February 12 and Deadpool!

All Things Must Pass

Wow, it’s been a while. Where have I been?  I haven’t written since my Star Wars post. Well, we moved shortly after that. So most of my free time has been spent unpacking and trying to figure out which box has which things in it.  Turns out, I’m not so good at the labeling of boxes.

The rest of my time has been spent taking care of my youngest daughter.  She hates preschool.  Screams for anywhere from 5-60 minutes. So we decided to pull her out for the year and try again in the fall. I am constantly exhausted. She has 100% energy at all times.  We just got gone with her gymnastics class and are now waiting to pick up her sister at kindergarten. And she is full of energy. She HAS to be moving.  So I choose to go to bed when I can.  (Note:  This was written in the morning.  Posted at night.  She doesn’t have kindergarten at night time.)

But I need to get back into this. What better way than a documentary about a transcendent company that started right here in Sacramento, California!!  All Things Must Pass is a film about the legendary Tower Records and its rise to dominance and its even faster fall to bankruptcy.  Growing up in my part of the greater Sacramento area, there were two places to get music. Dimple Records, and Tower Records.

I’ve mentioned before how much Dimple means to me as the place I first heard and fell in love with Reel Big Fish. But Tower was the big time. I remember it was where people would camp out for concert tickets (before the internet and Ticketmaster, you actually had to to get tickets to things you young a**holes).  I thought that was the coolest thing ever. Not that I would ever be allowed to go sit there all night for concert tickets, but still cool.

ATMP was directed by Colin Hanks, who, as a native Sacramentan, has a unique perspective on the subject. And did an amazing job with this film. There is no narration. The movie flows along simply with stories from the owner, to former employees, to major stars Elton John, Bruce Springsteen, and Dave Grohl.

Started in the ’60s, Tower was opened in a drug store in downtown Sacramento.  After it moved to it’s main location, it spread across the world. Once music changed from records, to CD’s, to digital, it just wasn’t necessary to have actual stores anymore. The need to go into a store for music just isn’t there. Especially when it’s so much cheaper to get it on Amazon or ITunes (or stealing it free online).

If you’ve never been to a Tower, or have never spent money in an actual store buying music (Best Buy, Target, and stores like that absolutely do not count), you probably won’t get this movie or find it as riveting as I did. Maybe it was because I was so proud of this Sacramento institution that became a global phenomenon. The end of the movie and the downfall was heartbreaking and did bring me to tears. But I think it could be a nostalgia thing about a place I spent a lot of time in my youth. Either way, this film is brilliant and anyone who wants a look at what music was like and what buying music was like for damn near 40 years should definitely see this movie. Then come visit Sacramento and go to Tower Theater!  It is still here, but don’t come looking for Tower Records.  It, like a number of other things in this town have come and gone.

The Force Awakens

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!  It’s finally here!  It’s Star Wars week!  I don’t know what to do with myself!!  There are five days until the movie opens. Luckily for me, I have six Star Wars t-shirts.  Oh!  And one sweatshirt!  The dilemma is deciding which shirt to wear on which day. IMG_3424[1]

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The bigger problem is which day am I going to see the movie?  There are showtimes on Thursday, but they’re all sold out. There are tickets available all throughout the weekend, but of course that’s the weekend we are moving. Stupid wife picked stupid Star Wars weekend to move!!  I’m gonna be soooo tired to see it on the weekend. But if I wait, it’ll be at least Tuesday. And Tuesday is cheap movie day at the theaters here.  Everywhere is super packed. So it makes more sense to wait another day and see it Wednesday. WEDNESDAY?!?!  I CAN’T WAIT TILL WEDNESDAY!  That’d be like telling my daughters that Santa came but we are waiting a week to open the presents.  IMG_3425[1]

Presents!!  Aw damn it!!  Looks at calendar… okay so if I don’t see it Wednesday, Thursday is Christmas Eve. So those next two days are out. Holy crap, the more I think about this the worse it gets.  How the hell am I going to make this work?

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Update: There is a theater near by that sells reserved seats. The wife liked this idea because we wouldn’t have to stand in line for hours. But it’s way more expensive.  She doesn’t want to stand in line because I’m supposed to be moving boxes all weekend and standing in line AND the movie takes up a lot of the day. So while I was in the process of grabbing these way overpriced tickets, someone snaked them from me!!  What a butthole.

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Update 2: Okay tickets purchased!  S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!  Night!  (Bay City Rollers?  So I Married An Axe Murderer?  Geezus you all are young).  But yes, Saturday the 19th at 8pm I will be seeing The Force Awakens.  Just gotta decide what time I want to go get in line. Day 2, at night, gonna be a big line.  Not like I care.  If I’m at home, I’m just gonna be standing around waiting to go.  I might as well be standing in line.  Okay so that’s my plan.  I invited Phil, but he wanted to go with his brother closer to his house.  Pfft.  What a jerk.

Update 3: I started watching the whole saga again in preparation for the new movie. I decided to watch it in The Machete Order. I’ve never done this before. Very excited to see how I feel about it without Episode I.

Update 4:  Yeah, Yeah I know.  There are tons of updates to this post.  Screw off, this is my post.  I got an early Christmas present!!  A SEVENTH Star Wars t-shirt!  Now I have one every day of the week!  Yay!

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