I was on the fence to watch this Hulu Event Series when it came on. First of all, event series?  What arrogant douche came up with that title?  Come on. I read the book about a year and a half ago or so and really liked it. Until the end. The end is terrible. But I had a vision of the story in my head, and didn’t want that destroyed on TV. “Well don’t watch it,” you say?  Screw off, there was no chance I wasn’t going to watch it.

Then there was the James Franco factor. I am not a Franco fan. Unless it’s Freaks and Geeks. That show had EVERYBODY!!!  But whatever, I don’t see his appeal and certainly don’t see his name on a marquee and say “Wow, Franco!  I gotta go see it!”  So that was already two strikes against it.

But before I saw episode one, I read an article with show creator, Bridget Carpenter, who said that while it would move faster, the show would stay very true to the book. And my mind was put at ease. There’s a lot in this book and obviously some creative liberties were going to be taken but this?  I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Bridget… you are a f**king liar.  You have taken something that I quite liked and butchered it.

It is like the book in title and concept only. How Stephen King approved this garbage is beyond me. Supposedly he was there everyday watching this get made, but that was probably something Carpenter was lying about too.

I fully admit, I am comparing it to the book and not judging it on it’s own merit, but I can’t watch the show without wondering why they did this vs. that.  In the first episode, the story jumped around so much that it was impossible to follow without questioning everything.

For instance, I was wondering, is Jake just never going to go back for a reset to see what happens?  We ignore Florida entirely?  He’s not going to bother saving the first girl (addressed so pathetically in episode two that I assume the show creators just sat back and said, “let’s see how many people this pisses off.”)

Oh my god, episode two. There isn’t one thing that happens in episode two that happens in the book outside of the last 5 minutes. Like I said, I haven’t read the book in a while, but I don’t remember where Jake goes cow murdering.  Show me where it is, and I will write an apology post.  I was so bored I just started playing on my phone. Wake me when something remotely close to the actual story happens.

In the “Next time..” it looks like our hero gets a sidekick for the rest of the series!  That’s fun. Now he has someone to pal around with.  I will keep watching because it’s only six more episodes. But holy crap this is the most disappointing thing I’ve seen in a while.  At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if they forgot about Kennedy entirely. Since nothing else is out of the book, might as well get rid of the entire premise.

The Martian

Okay so I was going to write a long post on how incredibly stupid the ending to American Ninja Warrior was, but instead I will just include it here. How can the last stage simply be a rope climb?  The thing I’ve been doing since I was 8 years old!!! Dumbest ending ever. And then of course ANW goes on to claim the guy who did it second is the first finisher. Uh revisionist history, eh? He finished faster. Not first. He was the first million dollar winner. Not the first finisher.

Okay so the movie The Martian comes out.. let’s see.. October 2.  Crap that’s two weeks!!  My two friends, Greg & Ryan have read the book. They always give me grief because they read more than I do. Well not this time, assfaces!!  I started The Martian two nights ago and I’m 25% of the way through. Since I’m reading it on my Kindle, I don’t know what page I’m on.  It goes by percentages.

I will be really excited to see how the movie compares to the book. There’s no way they can take much of anything from the first 5-6 chapters as it’s all the science on how Matt Damon’s character, Mark Watney, stays alive on Mars after he is abandoned by his crew. Spoiler alert if you didn’t know that’s what happens.  So basically it’s all stuff that I didn’t understand.  But it’s still pretty cool so far.

So I’ve got two weeks to finish!  At my current pace I should finish by then. Especially since I know I’m not going opening weekend. I really want to finish by 10/5.

My friend Chris and I joined a beer mug club at our local pub. In order to join, all you had to do is drink each of the 36 beers they have on tap. Then you get a mug with your name and member number on it. Well, we finished a couple weeks ago and our mugs will be ready by then. So all our friends are getting together with us to show them off.  I want to be ready with the knowledge of the book so rub it in the smug faces. What good is having friends if you can’t brag about crap to them?!

Suck it, Ryan and Greg!!