Here comes the money!

I rarely write about professional wrestling.  For a couple of different reasons.  First of all, it matters to such a small part of the population that I don’t know who would want to read about it.  And second, I have become so disappointed with what has happened in storylines in the past six months in WWE that I only watch about 1/3 of the Monday Night Raws anymore.  Mostly I just read the recaps the next day, and if something exciting happens, I will watch.  Otherwise, it’s a straight delete.

But this week.  This week was one of the most amazing weeks I have seen in years.  It was the return of the prodigal son.  The greatest non-wrestler wrestler ever.  Shane McMahon came home.  If you don’t believe it was a big deal, just listen to the crowd reaction.  THAT is the sound of a roof blowing off a building.  That was the reaction of everyone watching.  The face that Stephanie makes is the same face that everyone made when they heard the entrance music.  It was the biggest return in probably… 10 years?  In today’s wrestling world, there is no rumor that doesn’t slip through.  Every surprise, every big signing is known before they show up on screen.  Shane has been gone for 7-8 years.  And no where I have read, did anyone see this coming.

For me, he has the second greatest finishing maneuver in history, after Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin has the Stunner, and Shane -O-Mac has the Coast to Coast.  It’s basically just as simple as it sounds.  He jumps from one turnbuckle to the other.  It always ends with a garbage can to the face!

Even though he was the bosses son, he always felt like one of us.  A regular guy among giants.  Willing to take beatings for our entertainment.  And wow, did he take some beatings.  There is a rumor that WWE is releasing a Shane McMahon DVD later this year, and you can bet your ass that I will be getting that.  As a wrestler, he wouldn’t make my top five all-time.  As an on screen performer, I find it hard to think of five people I love seeing more.

And if you still don’t understand why the people love Shane McMahon so much, well maybe you need a Leap of Faith:

 

11.22.63

I was on the fence to watch this Hulu Event Series when it came on. First of all, event series?  What arrogant douche came up with that title?  Come on. I read the book about a year and a half ago or so and really liked it. Until the end. The end is terrible. But I had a vision of the story in my head, and didn’t want that destroyed on TV. “Well don’t watch it,” you say?  Screw off, there was no chance I wasn’t going to watch it.

Then there was the James Franco factor. I am not a Franco fan. Unless it’s Freaks and Geeks. That show had EVERYBODY!!!  But whatever, I don’t see his appeal and certainly don’t see his name on a marquee and say “Wow, Franco!  I gotta go see it!”  So that was already two strikes against it.

But before I saw episode one, I read an article with show creator, Bridget Carpenter, who said that while it would move faster, the show would stay very true to the book. And my mind was put at ease. There’s a lot in this book and obviously some creative liberties were going to be taken but this?  I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Bridget… you are a f**king liar.  You have taken something that I quite liked and butchered it.

It is like the book in title and concept only. How Stephen King approved this garbage is beyond me. Supposedly he was there everyday watching this get made, but that was probably something Carpenter was lying about too.

I fully admit, I am comparing it to the book and not judging it on it’s own merit, but I can’t watch the show without wondering why they did this vs. that.  In the first episode, the story jumped around so much that it was impossible to follow without questioning everything.

For instance, I was wondering, is Jake just never going to go back for a reset to see what happens?  We ignore Florida entirely?  He’s not going to bother saving the first girl (addressed so pathetically in episode two that I assume the show creators just sat back and said, “let’s see how many people this pisses off.”)

Oh my god, episode two. There isn’t one thing that happens in episode two that happens in the book outside of the last 5 minutes. Like I said, I haven’t read the book in a while, but I don’t remember where Jake goes cow murdering.  Show me where it is, and I will write an apology post.  I was so bored I just started playing on my phone. Wake me when something remotely close to the actual story happens.

In the “Next time..” it looks like our hero gets a sidekick for the rest of the series!  That’s fun. Now he has someone to pal around with.  I will keep watching because it’s only six more episodes. But holy crap this is the most disappointing thing I’ve seen in a while.  At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if they forgot about Kennedy entirely. Since nothing else is out of the book, might as well get rid of the entire premise.

If I’ve said it once…

…I’ve said it 1,000 times. Ryan Reynolds can do no wrong. He is great in everything. I am the person who bought the Green Lantern movie.  And there’s a stack of VHS tapes that have the entire series of Two Guys and a Girl on them.  Who doesn’t love that show?  Well apparently everyone except me.  They STILL haven’t put it on DVD.  But it has Ryan Reynolds AND Nathan Fillion!!  I mean seriously.  The good news is, Reynolds would do a reunion show.  Even though it’ll never happen.

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Me all by myself

This past weekend I spent an evening watching the latest Ryan Reynolds masterpiece, Deadpool. In fact, I was so excited to see it, I had to get there early to get in line.  I got there so early in fact, I was first in line!  By about 15 minutes.  Totally worth it!  I thought maybe they were letting people in so I walked into the theater. Nope still full of people from the previous showing.

Ryan plays Wade Wilson. A former military man who now works as a low level enforcer who enjoys booze, hookers, and foul language. After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, he undergoes a procedure to attempt to remedy his fate. After the serum takes effect and his mutation is complete, he takes on the mantra of Deadpool and swears to find the man who scarred his body to seek his revenge.  During this time, Francis, played by Ed Skrein, finds out who is the “Merc with a Mouth” and kidnaps his fiancee, Vanessa.

Ah, Vanessa.  I didn’t know that Morena Baccarin was in this movie.  It was another great surprise on top of a hundred great surprises in this film.  I will admit, that I do not know her entire filmography.  But she was brilliant.  It was nice to see her play a character so different than what I am use to.  My familiarity with Morena is strictly from Firefly.  Which also has Nathan Fillion.  Yes, everything relates to Firefly.  It’s that good.  Here, she is the hooker Wilson falls in love with.  In Firefly she is…a companion.  Okay so that sounds like a hooker but it’s totally different.  She is so sophisticated and appalled at the thought of being called anything less.  So yes, it’s different.

My favorite superhero movie ever is Batman Begins.  I may have to rethink that.  This movie is so damn good.  Okay, I thought about it.  It’s not better than Batman Begins.  But it’s better than any movie that Marvel or DC has put out in the past couple years.  I do enjoy seeing justice done to my villains, and seeing them put behind bars.  But sometimes I just want to see their heads explode.  Sometimes I want my heroes to have chiseled jaw lines and billions of dollars, then there are times like this where I want them hanging out in dive bars and have a face that looks like my marshmallows when I make s’mores.  And I want to see a movie that cannot possibly be played on regular cable because half the language will be changed.  I’m a very simple man.  It’s foul, it’s violent and I cannot possibly oversell how good this is.

Reynolds has been trying to get this movie made for years. It is much different than the movies Marvel has put out so far in their Universe.  And both the time put into the film, and the hard R it is rated were well worth it.  For me, the most important thing was that it was R rated.  The movie didn’t try to conform to the superhero playbook and go PG-13, which it easily could have.  And it would have been ruined.  That trust has been greatly rewarded, as it is the highest grossing R rated movie ever.  EVER.  Deadpool had a budget of $60 million.  Last I checked, it was up to $260 million worldwide.  That’s a nice return on their investment.  Will Marvel or DC look at this and go the way of the R rated superhero movie again?  Maybe.  But probably not.  They know what works, and what is going to get them to the billions and it’s PG-13.  But it’s great to know that R rated movies, when done well can bring in big box office numbers.  It would be nice to see movies go back to R ratings.  I have been screaming about PG-13 horror movies for years and how terrible they are.  Now, I understand that horror and superhero movies are completely different and will never bring in the same money, but make a damn good movie and people will see it!  It’s not that freaking hard!!  Thank you Ryan, and thank you Deadpool.  THIS is the movie we all deserved!!  Now don’t f**k up Deadpool 2.

Movies

Well, there have been a few movies I saw since we last spoke.  I’d like to get caught up on my thoughts here.  I can’t even remember what I’ve spent my time watching.  Some good, some not so good.  Let’s get the theater movies out of the way.

First of all, I spent two hours standing in line to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I saw it the second night it was out.  So it was a while ago.  It was cold that night.  People kept coming up, asking what we were standing in line for, and then trying to get past the line, and then were told by theater management to get to the back of the line.  What the hell?  Why are you so damn special?  Like you’re gonna get in front?  Jerk off.  Anyway.  Phil and I discussed, and had very similar thoughts on the movie.  If for some reason you haven’t seen the movie yet… SPOILERS!!  SKIP AHEAD!!  We agreed the film was very solid.  But the problems I had with it were that it was exactly like A New Hope.  Was it a retelling of Episode IV?  Was it lazy writing?  I don’t know, but it was blatantly obvious.  I had a bigger problem with the fact that Rey was so good with a light saber and defeated Kylo Ren in their battle even though he was a trained Jedi.  There was one more.  What was it?  Damn it, Phil was right.  We should have done this right away so we could have remembered.  Well, whatever it was, it didn’t take away from my overall enjoyment of the movie.  It was really good.  It’s certainly not better than IV or V.  I need to let it sink it before I rank it.

I recently went and saw Sisters, starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.  Anyone who knows me, knows of my love of Tina Fey.  Also Amy, but not like Tina.  So I was a little biased going into this one.  Parks and Rec and 30 Rock are two of my favorite shows of the last 10 years.  30 Rock makes my list of favorite shows ever.  So you won’t find me saying a bad word about this.  But I could have written this review before I saw the movie.  They KILLED it.  Amy and Tina play sisters who go home to Orlando because their parents are selling their childhood home and have one last party.  I came home and immediately pre-ordered it on Blu-Ray.  It’s pretty typical adult party movie.  It’s also very typical writing that you would find in a movie with Fey and Poehler.  It turns into a touching love story between them as family, which was always going to happen.  Every movie has to have a point!  And it was perfect.  Including Star Wars, Sisters might be my favorite movie of the year.  Well, in the last 12 months.  Whatever you want to call it.

I finally saw Draft Day.  I swore I would never watch it.  I am a huge football fan, and this looked like a horrible pile of garbage.  Even though it had Kevin Costner.  Yeah, I consider that a positive thing.  It…wasn’t…as….horrible as I expected.  Still not good.  It might be the most obvious movie I’ve ever seen.  There’s no suspense at all.  It’s clear as day what is going to happen 10 minutes into the movie.  There was a scene between Costner’s character (the movie was so dull I don’t even have any idea what his character’s name was) and his mother that I thought to myself he should have said “Hey mom, wanna have a catch?”  And that would have been the best part of the movie by far.  The less said about this movie the better.  Moving on.

I saw the second half of Horrible Bosses 2.  Here’s my question about this movie.  If the cast had been the same but the title was different, would anyone had noticed?  Maybe there was something in the first half that I missed?  I didn’t get it.  And I still don’t understand what was so bad about Charlie Day having sex with Jennifer Aniston in the first one.  What made her such a horrible boss?

Last night I watched Trainwreck.  Because Amy Schumer rules the world.  And she’s amazing.  Trainwreck is not.  I was so disappointed about what I saw.  Amy hates relationships, but falls in love with a doctor she is interviewing for an article she is writing.  I’m almost positive I looked at the clock more than I laughed.  The title was apt.

I swear there is one more I saw.  It must not have been very good.  Damn, what the hell was it?  Oh well.  Here’s to February 12 and Deadpool!