Don Jon

Damn it!!  Up until this very moment, I always assumed Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I could be best friends. He’s cool as hell and me… well I’m not cool at all.  I mean, I have literally been told TO MY FACE that I’m not cool at all. Now that was because I refused to go do drugs with this horrible girl named Susan in high school, but it still kinda hurt.

Her boyfriend was even meaner to me.  I hate them both to this day.  All my talk about turning the other cheek and forgiving past transgressions doesn’t apply to them.  They will burn in hell.  Now, back to my thoughts on this movie.

But now I just got dont watching Don Jon. A movie Gordon-Levitt (that’s too long to type. From now on, he’s JGL) wrote, directed, and starred in. It also stars my girl Scarlett Johansson, and Julianne Moore.  JGL (see, that’s better) stars as Jon. A porn addicted Jersey stereotype who enjoys himself more when he’s alone with his computer than with a woman.

Once he meets and falls in love with Barbara (ScarJo), she tries to put him under her thumb and get him to be someone he’s not which ends up going about as well as one would expect. Moore plays a night school classmate of JGL who tries to understand more of who he really is while dealing with her own demons.

The movie is terribly boring. It plays out like Groundhog Day, but with porn and without any humor. If that was the pitch, I can see why the movie got made. But why people liked it, I have no idea.  I had to go check on my daughter during her nap and I didn’t even bother to stop it. Just get it over with.

I think four times I had to ask myself where the hell this movie was going and how it was ever going to end. Because it seemed to have no possible resolution. I will admit, the end is the best part of the movie. It wraps up really well, although, I was hoping the last confrontation between Jon and Barbara would have gone a little differently. But I understand where Jon’s character was at that point and why he said what he did and didn’t say what he didn’t say.

Overall, I wish I hadn’t seen it. And if JGL and I ever become best friends, I will absolutely throw someone elses name on this blog and shame them for all eternity. Hey, how often does someone get to be best friends with Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

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