The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story

I finally had a chance to check out this Lifetime movie. Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. This was an abomination that had no reason to be made. Saved by the Bell was my wife’s favorite show when she was younger. She even owns the entire series (minus The College Years) on DVD. I enjoyed the show, but not like her. If you’re like her, I highly suggest going back and watching an episode as an adult. The show is horrendous. Yes, I get that the show is made for preteens. The documentary (in the LOOSEST meaning of the word) made that abundantly clear. But holy crap it’s terrible.

I really don’t like saying bad things about children actors, or children in general. At the end of the day, they are just children. But it really seems like Lifetime went with the “eh. Close enough” strategy to casting. I cannot imagine them finding any actors who looked LESS like the characters they portrayed.  There is a scene in which they are sitting around reading the reviews of their show.  The critics hate them and say the acting is stiff and awful.  I found this to be incredibly ironic.  This was exactly the way I felt watching last night.

This Lifetime movie is narrarated by the Dustin Diamond character.  When I saw during the opening credits that Diamond was an executive producer, I had a feeling it was going to sway pro-Screech.  And it did.  We were supposed to feel bad for him throughout the entire movie.  He was the geek on and off the set.  He was the youngest of the stars.  And by the end, part of me did feel bad for him.  It’s really no fun being bullied and teased.  I know.  I didn’t deal with it nearly as bad as others, but I had my tormentors all through junior high and high school.  There are people to this day that I can never forgive for what they did to me.  So I get it.  But on the other hand.  Boo-f**kin-hoo.  You were a star on a major TV show.

The biggest problem with this TV movie was there wasn’t anything new that fans of the show didn’t already know!  It was a happy retelling for the most part.  Even the parts that were supposed to be shocking were anything but.  You mean to tell me that high school age boys and girls on one of the most popular TV shows liked to drink and do drugs and get laid?  Well that is just unbelievable!  Actually, the most unbelievable part was that the way they made it seem was that most of the cast was pretty clean.  I find that very hard to believe.  But, who knows.  Maybe they were.  Good for them!!

At the end of the day, I’m super pissed I watched it.  Had I known Diamond had such involvement, I probably never would have recorded it.  He wrote a tell-all book a few years ago, and has since recanted a ton of stories in the book.  Each of the stars of the show has their own memories and stories about how the experience was, and Dustin seems just like a jilted, vindictive d**k.  He never really did anything after SBTB.  He was never able to escape Screech the way the other cast members were able to get away from their characters and he appears bitter.  Well, good for him.  He got his money.  He got me to watch.  And I hate myself for it.

I love Lifetime.  I love their movies.  Throw on a docudrama starring Lori Loughlin and I will be glued to the set.  I even had good things to say about Liz & Dick.  This was the worst thing they’ve ever put out.  I can’t imagine watching their movies for a while.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am about to settle in to watch The Brittany Murphy Story.  If you recall, I can’t get enough of Brittany Murphy.  The circumstances around her death and her crazy ass parents have led to some insane conspiracy theories.  I can’t wait to see what this tells me.  If you’re interested, it’s airing on Lifeti- ah, damn it!!!

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